Trusting Eyes... What did I do Wrong?

Trusting Eyes…What did I do Wrong?

Written 23^rd October 2016

By Swadha Rawat, aged 12

Published in Modern School Biennial Sandesh 

The car horn bellowed, you whistled for me.

I bounded out with trusting eyes, but you looked so forlorn.

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

"Walkies", you said it like it wasn’t a treat.

I wagged my tail

I trust you, you could never do any wrong.

What’s this?

You left the kids at home?

But I thought they loved me…

I love them…

I love you.

So I didn’t worry, I looked at you with trusting eyes

But you looked so angry.

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

As I sat in the car, we turned on an unfamiliar road

"This isn’t the way to the park!" I barked.

You didn’t say anything as we pulled onto the curb.

You tugged me out,

I wagged my tail, you could never do any wrong.

You pulled me past hundreds of dogs;

Unloved…Unwanted…Alone

My tail went in, my head was down,

I looked up at you with trusting eyes, but all you did was frown.

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

You went into a room and left me tied to a bench,

I was so afraid…all alone.

I could hear your voice,

Your anger, and then I heard something break and someone shout for you to get out.

You slammed open the door,

I looked up at you with trusting eyes

But you didn’t give me a second glance.

You muttered something and walked away,

Without saying goodbye.

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

I whined, I barked…

You could never leave me alone, you could never do any wrong.

I love you…you loved me,

You’d come back I knew.

A lady came out of the room and looked at me sadly.

I couldn’t bear it,

I barked aloud, I told her you’d be back, I knew.

She knelt down and stroked me softly and I shivered,

I wanted you.

She untied my leash and led me along

Away from the room, away from you.

I howled, I fought,

You wouldn’t leave me here

Unloved…Unwanted…Alone

I knew.

She pulled me past dozens of cages each filled with dogs

She finally stopped near the end of the corridor and opened another door.

Inside were more cages.

She pushed me in one of them with an elderly dog.

I’m no convict. Why am I here?

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

The old dog looked at me and sighed

I told her you’d be back

She said, “I thought that too”

I whined and moaned,

I miss you. I trust you. I love you.

You love me…don’t you?

I have been in this cage forever,

I can’t remember how long.

All I know is that I miss you, when can I come home?

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

I’m ill now,

So ill I can’t move.

They moved the old dog out of the cage and now I’m totally alone.

The lady said something about distemper,

About how to get better I need a home.

I tried to tell her,

I have a home…with you. I love you. 

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

I’m even worse now.

They’re pipes in my body and I can’t eat my food.

They say I’ll die soon.

I see you in my head, laughing and saying you love me,

I love you too.

Where are you? Why did you leave me here?

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

They’ve taken me out of my cage, I’m on a metal table now.

The lady’s crying, she’s saying sorry.

It isn’t long now,

I sense the end

I don’t regret anything.

I just miss you. I wish I could see you.

I’ve lost my trusting eyes, they’re sad and dead now.

I feel the needle prick,

My eyes are heavy, somehow I know they won’t open again,

As I heave my last breath

I want you to know:

I love you. No matter what.

Just Please tell me

Before I go…

Oh what! Oh what! Did I do wrong?

A Note added on the 17^th of May 2020

I've always wanted a dog. One of my most constant memories of my childhood is repeatedly pleading for my parents to get me one. I grew up watching movies like Air Bud and Eight Below. I read Jack London's Call of the Wild and White Fang, John Grogan's Marley & Me and even had a dog breed spotter guide. I spent more time at dinner parties talking to the host's dog than the people around me. Whenever we walked past a pet shop, I'd spend ages pressed up against the glass, gazing wistfully at the puppies inside. 

In the end though, I didn't get a dog until I was 14 years old. I spent the time before I adopted my dog, feeding the stray dogs near my apartment complex and at an animal shelter near one of my friends' house. Whenever we had a sleepover, the two of us, both dog crazy, would go to Friendicoes, a packed animal shelter located underneath a bustling flyover in Delhi. 

That's where I got the inspiration to write this poem. I think it really stuck with eleven-year-old me, the experience of seeing so many dogs and cats in cages; abandoned by their owners and yet still so trusting of the good in humans.

One of the largest causes of death in animal shelters in India is distemper.

Now, distemper is a virus that affects multiple body systems like respiratory, gastrointestinal and the central nervous system. It's also highly contagious. A very large number of rescue dogs contract distemper, but unfortunately, only a few recover from it. In my short time at the shelter, I saw a lot of dogs suffer from it.

This poem does not have a happy ending simply because those are few and far in between for abandoned dogs.

If you ever needed a reason as to why you should 'Adopt and not Shop', then I simply cannot think of one more motivating than the hundreds of thousands of dogs who spend their lives in animal shelters, overlooked and unseen, but deserving all the same, of a loving home.